Sayonara – Signing OffPosted: January 25, 2014
This post has been in the works for a week or two.
I kept putting it off because I thought maybe I was just having a bad day, maybe I was just tired. But I realise that right now, at the moment, I don’t feel like continuing with blogging. It’s not an unhappy decision, I actually feel a little relief that I can let it go and be okay with it.
At this moment in time, I feel like I just need to stop and get my head together. There have been one or two posts lately where I mention having a bad day or a bad week, and honestly a blog where I rattle off what’s bothering me isn’t something I want to write. It doesn’t interest me nor, I’m sure, does it interest many of you.
A few reasons behind why I’m stopping is that I’ve realised a couple things:
The comparison trap, which has been spoken about by Arman is a really slippery slope. A few years ago, I ditched Facebook and Twitter because I was constantly comparing myself to people who seemed to be getting promoted, or traveling the world, or starting families. It made me anxious, and since FB/Twitter seemed like just another vortex on the internet where all time went out the window, I decided to give them up. It was a great decision that I rarely regret. When I began blogging, I didn’t really think it was the same thing, but it soon began to develop similarities. I started comparing myself to other bloggers, I was spending all my time on the computer and I was more concerned about my ‘virtual image’ rather than real self.
I am a better blog reader than writer – and that is perfectly okay. This is somewhat covered in the previous point. In the beginning my posts were spontaneous and relaxed. Then when I started getting comments, I enjoyed it, but began writing with a ‘reader base’ in mind. To get more comments, I read that you needed to start posting consistently, frequently, enthusiastically – that is when I feel as though things began to change. I would stress if I hadn’t posted in x number of days. I would start thinking ‘what can I write about next’. I would worry that my last past was so many days ago.
Food obsession. My history with food/fitness is varied, just last week I thought I had finally figured it all out, how to finally make peace with my body. This week has seen me slide back into familiar anxieties and stress. While my favourite blogs to read are those that share awesome food ideas that I would never have dreamed of, I’ve often felt as though I was fostering an unhealthy obsession with food. I eat meals and think about the next while I’m still eating the current one. I plan and over think a meal so much it turns out to be a disappointment. This has nothing to do with other bloggers – I choose the sites in my feedly, I choose to post about the meal I’ve cooked. But maybe taking a step back from this for a little while might be good.
What I Grateful For Having Learnt:
Discovering a new form of fitness. My old exercise habits were impossible to keep up. Blogging taught me about strength training and that exercise is not synonymous with running until your feet bleed. It’s about getting up and moving, doing something that you enjoy.
Meeting new people. I was extremely lucky to have the chance to meet Jan and Arman a few months ago, which was something that I would have shied away from in the past. It was a ‘take the plunge’ moment, where I thought, I could make up some lie about my cat being sick or great-aunt’s-nephew dying, or I could actually just do it. I did it, and it was a lot of fun. It taught me that life isn’t about feeling comfortable all the time (within reason).
I surprised myself for managing to blog this long. I tried blogging once before, and last two posts. Yes. Two. Writing helped me to be creative, to try new things, that although I may have done ‘simply to write a post about’, I was ultimately glad I did in the end because it was an experience.
Intuitive eating. My first foray with IE came in the unexpected source of ‘French Women Don’t Get Fat’ – which, when you get right down to it, is the very basic premise of the book. It made me think for the very first time the food is not the only problem. It spurred me to look for more resources, to investigate this further. Reading the books of Geneen Roth was a revelation. Through reading these books and reading about other bloggers experiences with IE is one of the most valuable resources I have picked up through this medium.